Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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