she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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