now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
