i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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