THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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