What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
