I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
