i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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