woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
