I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
