some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
