Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
