how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
