and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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