I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
birth control should be required to get into college
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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