no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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