Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Operation Purity has been aborted
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
