omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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