im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
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