Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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