Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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