all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
