i'm signing you up for texting rehab
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Randomize
