But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
