Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Randomize
