I saw his package. It spoke to me.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
