Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
