i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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