So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
