had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
