You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
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