He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
