He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
