I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Randomize
