What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
