I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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