wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
