in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
