Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
