When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
