I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
