I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
