where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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