Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize
