Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
