i think i have two assholes
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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