Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
