I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
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