I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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