I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
