She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
