First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
